Sunday, June 9, 2019

There's only one way to stop plastic waste - at the source


I’ll admit it. I use plastic all the time.  I can’t remember how many times I’ve forgotten to refill my water bottle only to purchase another at the corner store. We all know how difficult it is to avoid contributing to plastic waste. For years we’ve told ourselves a simple solution - if consumers just changed their habits, if we recycle, reduce, and reuse, we can turn the tide. Sadly, although this approach is essential, it will never be enough. Our plastic waste problem has grown out of control and it can only be stopped by addressing the source.  It’s like the kitchen sink is overflowing with water and we’re scrambling for a sponge to clean up the mess.  Meanwhile the sink is spilling onto the counter, onto the floor, into our food, and no one wants to turn off the faucet. 
I get it. Plastic is everywhere. We use it for everything from packaging food and medical supplies to producing auto parts and electronics. We produce over 600 billion pounds of it each year - enough to provide every man, woman, and child on earth with over 100 pounds of plastic annually. Only a fraction of our plastic waste finds its way into landfills whereas a huge portion is never accounted for and is lost into our oceans.  
Make no mistake about it. The plastic that finds its way into the ocean poses a planetary threat. It leeches harmful chemicals into the water and over time collects even more deadly toxins on its surface that creates a biohazard to wildlife. 
But it doesn’t stop there. The plastic in the oceans also forecasts a grim future for how it will inevitably impact humans. The plastic breaks up into smaller pieces and is mistaken for plankton and then makes its way into the food chain. So the next time crab season comes along, your children will also eat the plastic glitter from inside its meat. Eventually, as fertility rates drop within ocean wildlife, so too will the world's fisheries and the income generated from them. Finding safe-to-eat tuna for your sushi dinners will become a distant memory of a bygone era. 
Thankfully, there is hope. Social media has proven itself effective to persuade big corporations to change their business practices with hashtags like #isthisyours. Just recently, Trader Joe’s announced its plan to drastically cut down on plastic packaging. There are also amazing projects like Ocean Cleanup that aim to remove the plastic debris in the world's oceans within the next ten years. But there’s no silver bullet to this problem. Crucial to this movement is acknowledging that more needs to be done - addressing the source of it all. And here lies the challenge. 
This isn’t a rallying cry for the affluent vegan moms that buy only organic produce because they’re the only ones who can afford it. This is a test for all of us. It’s a burden that must be shared by everyone across the world. And because of this, our government must work with the United Nations to take a stand to help control this environmental bane of our age.
Plastic production needs to be regulated. One option is changing its waste classification into the internationally recognized “hazardous waste”. It may sound harsh, but something must be done. A new classification like this will mandate a new framework requiring plastic manufacturers to process their waste within a closed-loop system. It will also set new standards that can limit overall plastic production to a specific amount. These lofty goals can be set in motion by pressuring our congressional representatives to pass a resolution approving the Amendment to the International Basel Convention with the United Nations Environmental Assembly. 30 years ago our world leaders used these same international organizations to ban chemicals that threatened to destroy the ozone layer. And we can do it again with plastic waste. This isn’t going to be easy. But it’s time we deal with this mess. It’s time to put down the sponge, walk over to the sink, and dare to turn off the faucet. 

Sunday, May 19, 2019

What We Carry



Last week my yoga instructor directed the class to lay on our backs and breathe as she concluded her guided practice. She rung a large deep bell. 

I wasn’t thinking of anything in particular. I was just breathing deeply. 

But slowly the ringing began to pierce my heart. 

It quickly felt too much to bear - like an ocean wave flooding in. 

I felt embarrassed to be so overwhelmed. I tried to hold it back but an assistant noticed my breathing. It had become staggered and shortened. I was panting. I didn't want to lose control. Everything inside told me to hold fast, harder - to be a man. 

I thought to myself, "No! I was just fine a moment ago." 

She calmly walked over to me and kneeled above me. She gently rested her finger on my forehead and with the other hand she placed on my chest. 

And I felt it all - melancholy and joy, love and pain, despair and hope, strength and humility, all together. 

Deep emotions tied up. 

Intertwined within my body. 

I had been holding on to everything, so painfully tight, and I hadn’t even realized it. And I let go. I wept it all out. Silently. It was a beautiful, aching release. And it was hard.

Afterward another girl, whom I didn’t know, gave me a long hug and rested her hand on my shoulder while I gathered my composure. I felt sooo embarrassed, but I couldn't help it. 

Honestly, I wasn’t even sure what I was crying about. Nervous from my job interview? Was it that song I heard? How much I love my family? Missing a past romance?  Maybe how beautiful and temporary life is? ...Yeah. All of it and more. 

I just felt overwhelmed.

I carry so much inside. And I am not always conscious that I’m doing it. I’m not sure why I do this, but I do. 

I feel so much, but I don't always allow myself to do so. 

Is it weird to cry over this? I used to think that being emotional just meant that I was sleep deprived - like how a baby gets when its time to take a nap. And maybe there is some truth to that notion, but not this time. 

I am realizing more and more that these feelings are real and are always there - that all thoughts are real. They manifest into our lives and our bodies whether we realize it or not. It’s only when we have the strength to embrace ourselves within do we understand that the safest place to be is genuinely vulnerable. As I lay there staring at the ceiling I realized that everything IS ok, nothing was “wrong”, but that I also needed to honor how complex and overwhelming life can feel sometimes - for better or for worse. I can’t ignore it anymore. 


I don’t know if others ever feel the same way. I can only imagine the different ways people carry their own emotions within themselves without truly looking inward.  I know it's complex. We mask this disconnect in countless ways - technology, addictions, our egos, detachment, even through intimacy. I know that I for one, do all of these. 

And I completely understand why we do it. We can’t always afford to be present and process every emotion. Some of us don’t even know how. And I don’t want to get emotional every time I hear beautiful music (although it happens a lot) or cry every time I witness something sad or something precious. It would turn me into a big mushy mess. Psh, fuck that. 

But I also don’t want to try and mask my feelings. I don't want to carry them with me. 

It’s true -  

Life is so short.

It’s complex.

And beautiful. 

And my heart aches because of it. 

I know I’m not perfect. And I’m not trying to be. I just want to be the best of me. And I want to be at peace with it all. 

Although I totally understand the notion of impermanence - of staying calm and "letting things go",  I find myself wanting to hold on, even if it hurts. And believe me, sometimes it does.  Fatherhood feels this way. And once in a while, romantic relationships too.

It’s almost like it’s my own personal human journey to love, to hold, to savor and cherish, to worry, and then to release, over and over in a continuing path of rediscovering my own peace right where I left it - in my own heart. 

So, if you’re reading this, and if you feel as I feel -  if the complexity of life makes you smile and laugh and cry at the same time, if it overwhelms you, if simply being you is the most beautiful and hardest thing you’ve ever known - not because you struggle, but because you feel - the good and the bad, know that I feel with you. 

And I pledge to do my best to honor, not ignore what I feel inside, that I may not carry it with me any longer than I need to. 

I know it's going to be ok. 

You would be brave to do the same. 

I hope you find your peace right where you left it too.

And know that I love you.


Sunday, March 10, 2019

The Dreamer




I have the curse and blessing of lucid dreaming. It happens often. Here was a recent experience:

______________________________________________________________________We were way too young to be there by ourselves. We were underage kids that simply thought we could handle it. 

My friend Tony and I took a small pelican boat to a rocky barren islet called Breaker’s Island near the coast. The island was nestled within a small cove and sat about a quarter mile from land. We had paddled our way across the channel to attend a small concert where college kids were drinking heavily and embarrassing themselves. 

It was dark outside and we could barely see the sharp rocks below our feet. 

As the concert event was nearing its end the wind began to pick up. We realized it was time to start heading back to our boat, back to shore. 

_____________________________________________________________________

I remembered I knew this story. Somehow. As the Dreamer I spoke to myself, 

“Something’s wrong. They need to run.”

_____________________________________________________________________


The weather began to turn. A violent high tide rushed in with the wind. You could hear the college kid’s alarm in their voice as their laughter faded away and they began hustling back to their boats. 

Waves were crashing violently onto the island and the tide looked like it would swallow up the land.

“Dude, we need to get out of here.” Tony said.

We doubled back to our pelican. Within a couple minutes we reached the anchorage of our boat only to witness a large, violent wave come crashing down upon it. The force of the wave smashed our little pelican boat into a thousand pieces. 

On the far side of the island a large yacht was picking up the college kids. We could see the lights from the boat and hear the laughter start up again from the young crowd. They were safe. But the boat was already undocking and we were too far to reach it. We were stranded now.

“Shit!” I yelled. What are we gonna do?!” 

“Fuuuck.” Tony moaned.

We stood frozen there for a few moments before we both looked out toward the sea. 

The waves had reached us. 

Within an instant the wind had grown into a violent gale. A giant wave leaped past the breaks and flooded the ravine, sweeping us off our feet. The water was frigid. Holding on to the sharp black rocks below, we waited until the water pulled away just long enough to break free from the current and begin our dash to higher land. 

Tony looked beyond the island at the yacht carrying the college kids. It bobbled violently in the high swells and began to capsize. The boat was sinking. We could hear the screams of the passengers. 

“We’re ALL screwed bro.” Tony said. 

I looked back toward the ravine in the direction of the sea. At first it didn’t register what I saw. I had to climb higher up to get a better vantage point and looked back a second time.

“What the h... A wolf?” I said to myself. 

It seemed to walk on top of the water. It wasn’t phased by the waves. He moved like a spirit coming out from the dark ocean.

I couldn’t process what I saw. We just kept climbing. 

Scrambling up the sharp rocks I finally muttered to my friend.

“Dude, did I just see a wolf walking on water?!”

“Nah, I saw it too” Tony replied. 

Again a giant wave leaped above the breaks and flooded our path. It crashed at our feet and brought us both to our knees. We were going to die there. We were going to drown. My parents were going to be so mad at me.

Holding each other’s arms we brought ourselves back to our feet and looked back toward the wolf and instead saw a man. He was high upon the tallest rock looking out toward the sea, unabated by the peril of crashing waves below him. He was going to be swept away too. The man turned around and saw us. He stood there and stared. It was too dark to see his face.

_____________________________________________________________________

A shiver went up my spine and I awoke in my bed. I was sweating and a little scared.

“Who was that?!” I said to myself. I closed my eyes and willed myself back into the dream. “I need to finish the story. I don't remember how it ends."

As the Dreamer  I remembered that the boys found refuge somewhere. I willed it into the story and spoke aloud - “The boys survived. They found an old shelter.” And I closed my eyes.

______________________________________________________________________

I looked up and saw the outline of an old cement bunker nestled deep into the rock at the far edge of the island. It had a dim yellow light by the door entrance

We hustled up to the entrance and busted our way into the structure. It smelled of dank cold sea moss and possessed a haunting derelict. The lights inside still worked.

We moved to shut the door behind us when Tony remembered what we saw. 

“Wait! The dog!”

We looked back and saw him a far distance away, walking slowly toward us. He seemed untouched by the violent water. He was large and resembled Gmork from the Neverending Story. I could see his glowing eyes but I didn’t feel threatened.

I glanced toward the perch where the man had stood just a moment earlier but saw nothing. 

I thought to myself “Stupid. I hope he survives somehow.”

Just then another wave came leaping over the breaks. It reached all the way to the bunker and forced us to shut the door. We scrambled through the dark corridors of the bunker looking for a radio to call for help. 

On the second floor we found an intercom hanging on the wall. Praying that it still worked I pressed the button in pure panic. “HELLO! HELLO! HELP! HELLO?!”

A voice responded immediately. It sounded angry and discontent. “Marcus! Where have you been?! Are you coming into work today?! Where’s your application?!” 

Confused, I responded “What?! NO! We’re stuck on Breaker Island, our boat was smashed. The ferry capsized. WE ALL NEED HELP!”

There was no response. 

At that moment I looked up and saw the wolf at the other end of the hallway. He darted in the other direction as if to show me something. I chased him. 

Tony yelled at back me, begging me not to follow him. 

“Wait!” He yelled. 

I followed the wolf through the cement corridors. I was just a couple feet behind him. I could almost grab his tail. He dashed to a doorway that led outside of the bunker on the far side of the waves. I turned the corner and followed him outside onto a metal causeway. 

But he was gone. Vanished. 

And at other end of the metal causeway there he was again. The man. Standing. Staring. Too dark to see his face.  

______________________________________________________________________

Again a shiver went up my spine and I awoke. I closed my eyes to will myself back into the dream. “Who the f... WAS that?!” I said to myself.

______________________________________________________________________

We were rescued somehow and were at the hospital. I was warm and sitting on a bed. My parents were at my side. A sheriff was there too. He looked concerned but stoic.

I spoke to them about the wolf. The man. The concert. The capsized yacht. Our escape.

They all looked at me like I was crazy. 

“Breaker’s Island never had a concert on it, Marcus.” They told me. 

There was no yacht. No partygoers. The bunker they found us in hadn’t been in use for decades and never had an intercom. I didn’t speak to anyone. By chance a passerby sailed across the island and saw a light coming from inside the bunker and reported it to the coast guard. All they found was our little Pelican boat, still tied up to the shore. 

Had we imagined the whole thing? 

Confused and exhausted, I stared outside through the hospital window. I looked across the street at a parking lot structure. 

And there he was. Standing there, in the dark. Staring at me. 

He looked familiar. Because he was ME.

And I awoke.